Being raped is bad but being raped by someone you trust is far worse.

You wonder if it's something you did, something that's suppose to happen. You feel uncertain... you ignore it because it's someone you love, how can this be wrong?

You want to understand why they did it and why you felt hurt by it. You can't understand why they'd hurt you, so the only answer must be that you took it wrong, it wasn't suppose to hurt and you're reacting strangely.

So the fault is you.

When it's a stranger, you blanket them as the villain and accept it as the failure of the human condition. You'd never trust a stranger again.

But when it's your father, your boyfriend, your friend, it's such a different story.

I'd like to say to a much younger me, even if it's someone you love, rape is still rape. Don't feel doubt about what happened to you. You don't have to accept it as a failure on your half, but a failure on his. Even when he denies the truth of it, stick to the knowing that you were betrayed and he should not have done it.

Be strong, child.